美國心理學(xué)家亞瑟·阿倫博士設(shè)計(jì)了一個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn)，目的是尋找讓陌生人快速建立好感、增進(jìn)親密度的方法。實(shí)驗(yàn)中，兩個(gè)人一組，相互詢問36個(gè)問題。據(jù)說，一位專欄作家在實(shí)驗(yàn)結(jié)束時(shí)，和她的搭檔竟真的墜入了愛河。于是，網(wǎng)絡(luò)上便廣為流傳起這套「能讓陌生人相愛的魔力測試題」。我們將這36問分享以下，大約需要45分鐘完成。

這些問題不僅可以用于陌生社交場合的破冰，也可以作為一次更加深刻了解你的愛人、子女、父母或者好友，增進(jìn)彼此感情的契機(jī)。

開始進(jìn)入測試：

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1. 假如能邀請(qǐng)任意一個(gè)人來共進(jìn)晚餐，你想和誰在一起？Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. 你想出名嗎？以什么樣的方式？Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3.每次打電話之前，你是否會(huì)先預(yù)演一下待會(huì)要說的話？為什么？ Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. 于你而言，怎樣才能稱得上是“完美”的一天？What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. 你最近一次唱歌給自己聽是什么時(shí)候？給別人唱歌又是什么時(shí)候？When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. 假設(shè)你活到90歲，那么在接下來的60年里，你將希望一直保有30歲的心智？還是30歲的體魄？If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. 你是否曾預(yù)感過自己會(huì)在何時(shí)死去？Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. 請(qǐng)說出三個(gè)你和對(duì)座人的共同點(diǎn)。Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. 人生中你最為感激的是什么？For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. 如果你能改變自己被養(yǎng)育的方式，你將如何做？If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. 請(qǐng)用四分鐘的時(shí)間，盡可能詳細(xì)地向搭檔描述你的生活。Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. 如果明天醒來你將擁有某項(xiàng)特質(zhì)或能力，你希望會(huì)是什么？If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

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13. 如果有個(gè)水晶球可以讓你知道一個(gè)真相，不管是關(guān)于你的自身、你的生活、你的未來還是任何事，你希望知道什么？If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. 你是否有非常想要去做的事情？為什么還沒實(shí)現(xiàn)？Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. 你人生中最大的成就是什么？What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. 一段友情中你最看重什么？What do you value most in a friendship?

17. 你最珍視的回憶是什么？What is your most treasured memory?

18. 你最可怕的回憶是什么？What is your most terrible memory?

19. 如果你得知一年后將會(huì)死去，你會(huì)改變當(dāng)前的生活方式嗎？為什么？If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. 友情對(duì)你來說意味著什么？What does friendship mean to you?

21. “愛”與“情感”在你的生活中扮演著怎樣的角色？What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. 請(qǐng)你們輪流說出對(duì)方的5個(gè)閃光點(diǎn)。Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. 你與你的其他家庭成員關(guān)系是否親密？你是否覺得自己的童年比其他人要更幸福？How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. 你和你母親之間的關(guān)系怎么樣？How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

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25. 請(qǐng)以“我們”為開頭再造3句話。比如，“我們都在這個(gè)房間里，感覺……”Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. 請(qǐng)將這句話補(bǔ)充完整：我希望和某人分享…… Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … ”

27. 如果你和你的搭檔是死黨，有什么是他/她一定要知道的？If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. 說說你欣賞你搭檔哪些點(diǎn)。請(qǐng)真誠一點(diǎn)，不要說那種對(duì)初次見面人的客套回答。Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. 請(qǐng)分享你生命中最尷尬的時(shí)刻。Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. 你上次當(dāng)著別人的面哭是什么時(shí)候？獨(dú)自哭呢？When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. 告訴對(duì)方在接觸過程中，你喜歡上他/她的哪些？Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. 假如有的話，你認(rèn)為什么是嚴(yán)肅不能開玩笑的？What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. 如果今晚你就會(huì)死去，且沒有機(jī)會(huì)聯(lián)系任何人，你會(huì)因?yàn)闆]來得及對(duì)某些人說什么而感到后悔？為什么一直沒對(duì)他們說呢？If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. 假設(shè)你的家著火了，里面有你的全部家當(dāng)。當(dāng)你救出了你摯愛的親人和寵物后，你還有一次機(jī)會(huì)進(jìn)去帶走某個(gè)物品，你會(huì)拿什么？為什么？Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. 在你的所有家人中，誰的去世會(huì)讓你感到最難過？為什么？Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. 請(qǐng)跟對(duì)方說一個(gè)你的私人問題，并聽聽他/她對(duì)這個(gè)問題的看法。同時(shí)，請(qǐng)他們講講他們?cè)谕瑯拥奶幘忱飼?huì)怎樣去解決。Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

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這套經(jīng)典問答背后支撐的原理也很簡單，來自美國人本主義心理學(xué)家Sidney Jourard在1958年提出的，自我表露（self-disclosure）理論。維基百科中顯示，自我表露包含以下三層含義：人們真誠分享個(gè)自私密的想法與感覺，這是個(gè)體表達(dá)親密和愛的方式。同時(shí)，自我表露是健康人格的前提和表現(xiàn)，被認(rèn)為是一個(gè)穩(wěn)定的個(gè)體或一段穩(wěn)定關(guān)系的重要特質(zhì)。并且，重要的不是表露了什么內(nèi)容，而是在這個(gè)相互表露的過程中，雙方的關(guān)系變得更加豐富、深入與復(fù)雜。雙方因此能夠達(dá)到“共情”，并能站在對(duì)方的角度去理解、看待事物。這36個(gè)問題中不乏一些重復(fù)的內(nèi)容，事實(shí)上也是設(shè)計(jì)者希望雙方能夠擁有更高價(jià)值的自我表露，以此形成有效的親密關(guān)系。